No Ho Ho

Want to save money this Christmas and need an excuse for the kids?  Just tell them that Santa had a fever and didn't make it through the pandemic.

Pregnant Maid

A husband and his wife advertised for a live-in maid to cook and do the housework. A likely-looking girl came in from the country and they hired her. She worked out fine, was a good cook, was polite, and kept the house neat.
One day, after about six months, she came in and said she would have to quit. "But why?", asked the disappointed wife.  She hemmed and hawed and said she didn't want to say, but the wife was persistent, so finally she said, "Well, on my day off a couple of months ago I met this good-looking fellow from over in the next county, and well, I'm pregnant." 
The wife said, "Look, we don't want to lose you. My husband and I don't have any children and we'll adopt your baby if you will stay."  She talked to her husband and he agreed.  So the maid said she would stay. The baby came, they adopted it and all went well. 
After several months though, the maid came in again and said that she would have to quit. The wife questioned her, found out that she was pregnant again, talked to her husband, and offered to adopt the baby if she would stay. She agreed, had the baby, they adopted it, and life went on as usual once again.  In a few months, however, she again said she would have to leave. Same thing. She was pregnant. They made the same offer, she agreed, and they adopted the third baby.
This time she worked for a week or two, but then said, "I am definitely leaving for good now."  "Don't tell me you're pregnant again?" asked the lady of the house. "No," she said, "there are just too many kids here to pick up after!"

Women with PMS Changing Lightbulb

Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in alight bulb?
A: One. ONE! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change alight bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they FIGURED IT OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS...I'm sorry...what did you ask me?