A Man is Diagnosed with HAGS

A man goes into the doctor's office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says "I have some bad news. You have HAGS."  "What is HAGS," the man asks. "It's Herpes, AIDS, Gonorrhea, and Syphilis" says the doctor.  "Oh my God!" says the man, "what are you going to do!?!"  "We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza."  "Is that going to help me?" asks the man. "No," says the doctor, "but it's the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door!"

Tampons and Cigarettes

A man walks into a pharmacy and tells the salesgirl that he's looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him to the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for tampons for your wife?" "You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling paper. So, I figure, if I have to roll my own, so does she."

Positivity in the Ghetto

Q: What's the only positive thing about living in the ghetto?
A: Pregnancy tests.