Mister Smith in the Maternity Ward

Mister Smith received an emergency call from the hospital.
Mister Smith rushed into the maternity ward, "What's wrong? What's the emergency?"
"Oh, Mister Smith, your child was just born and I have some terrible news for you. It's disfigured" said the nurse.
"Well, how bad is it? Can I see?" he replied.
"Follow me, sir." They headed down a restricted corridor and came to the first door. Inside, in the respirator, is a newborn child without arms.
Mister Smith is upset, "Oh my God! How terrible to be born this way!"
The nurse interrupts, "No Mister Smith, that isn't your child. Follow me, please."
They came to another room, and there lies a newborn with no arms OR legs.
Mister Smith cries, "Oh dear God! What could be worse than this?"
"No Mister Smith, that's not your child. Follow me" said the nurse.
The next room down, Smith looked in. This kid is only a head, no body at all.
"Oh my God! How awful! What could be worse than this?" cried Mister Smith.
"Not your child, sir. Follow me" said the nurse.
One more room left in the hall. Mister Smith forced himself to enter. There on a pillow is a single huge ear.
"This is your child, Mister Smith." said the nurse.
Smitty goes nuts, "Oh Lord! What could possibly be worse than this!? But...It's still my son. I will talk to him, I will amuse him with bed-time stories. I will sing him lullabies..."
"Sir...it's deaf."

Ponderings Collection 41

• Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
• Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
• How can there be self-help "groups"?
• How do you get off a non-stop flight?
• How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
• How many weeks are there in a light year?
• If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?
• If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
• If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
• If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

Dry Cleaning

Monica needed to get one of her dresses cleaned so she took it to the dry cleaners. The man working there was an elderly man and was hard of hearing.
Monica said,"I need this dress cleaned."
The man said, "Come again?"
Monica replied, "No, it's just mustard."