Disability Jokes - Blind Jokes

Two young men sneak on to a blind man's property in order to steal something of value. The blind man hears them and goes to the door with his shot gun. The two young men, seeing the blind man, stand motionless. The blind calls out, "Marco!". Silence. He tries once more, "Marco!" More silence. One more time, "Marco!" One of the young men, tired of the game, yells out, "We aren't going to fall for that..." *BANG!

Q: What was Helen Keller's speech impediment?

A: Calluses.

A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."

A policeman was directing traffic at a busy intersection when he observed a blind man and his seeing-eye dog waiting to cross. To his horror, he watched as the seeing-eye dog bolted across the street, dragging the blind man behind him. On the other side of the road, the man pulled out a cookie and offered it to his dog. The officer ran to the blind man and said, "Don't you realize your dog could have killed you, and now you're going to reward him?" The blind man said to the policeman, "Why, no sir, I'm just trying to find out where his head is so I can kick his ass."

To help celebrate his 53rd birthday, Stevie Wonder challenged Obama to a round of golf at Andrews Air Force base.  Obama can't believe that a blind person is challenging him and tries to decline but Stevie is insistent that they play. Curious, Obama asks Stevie how he manages to play golf being blind? "When I tee off, " the singer explained, "I have a guy call to me from the green." " My sharp sense of hearing lets me aim."

Stevie tells Obama that he'd like to make a wager and offers to host a free concert anywhere Obama chooses if he looses. If he wins, he gets to borrow Air Force One for a day of joy-riding around the world. Obama figures the deck is stacked in his favor and readily agrees to the wager. Obama eagerly asked Stevie when he would like to play. Stevie replied, "I'll play on any NIGHT you choose!"