Been Here Sooner

Two Christians have lived very good, and also very healthy lives. They die, and go to heaven. As they are walking along, marveling at the paradise around them, one turns to the other and says "Wow. I never knew heaven was going to be as good as this!" "Yeah," says the other. "And just think, if we hadn't eaten all that oat bran we could have got here ten years sooner."

Wood

Q: What kind of wood does not float?
A: Natalie Wood!

Mountain Climbing

A ranger outfit was having training in mountain climbing. One of the men slipped and began falling into a precipice.
"Are you hurt?" asked another.
"I don't know yet," a weak voice was heard, "I'm still falling!"