Hillary's Accident

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising home along a country road one evening when a cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it, but couldn't. The cow was struck and killed. Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened and pay them for the cow. She stayed in the car texting on her BlackBerry.
About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.
"What happened to you?," asked Hillary .
"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made passionate love to me."
"What did you tell them?" asked Hillary.
The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said, 'I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow.' The rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it."

Snow White

Q: What did Snow White say when the photographer said her photos were done?
A: I knew some day my prints would come!

Sex with Jennifer

After the sex I had with Jennifer Aniston yesterday there are three things I can tell you:
1. She's tight as hell. It was a real struggle getting it in.
2. She will take it all over her face without saying a word.
3. The staff at the wax museum have no sense of humor at all.