Ellen Degeneres' Sneakers

Did you hear that Ellen Degeneres has a new line of sneakers coming out? They are called "Dykeees".  They have a longer than normal tongue and you can get them off with one finger!

ZipperGate Update

In a deal engineered by veteran mouthpieces Stein and Cacheris, Ms. Lewinsky has apparently headed off possible perjury charges by offering a full throated confession to Kenneth Starr. Sources, close to the investigation, report Starr is pumping Ms. Lewinsky for details concerning an oral pact with Mr. Clinton to withhold evidence. Although the independent prosecutor's team will drill Monica prior to her testimony, beltway observers do not anticipate a full dress rehearsal.

Bill and Jesse

Bill Clinton and Jesse Jackson are taking a post-workout shower. Bill looks down and says, ''Jesse, how'd you get that huge pecker?!'' Jesse replies, ''All I do is whack it four times on the bedpost everynight.'' So, Bill sneaks upstairs and whacks his four time in the bedpost, whereupon Hillary wakes up and says, ''Is that you, Jesse?'''