World's Smartest Man?

A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together traveling through stormy conditions. Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. "There are only enough parachutes for four of the five of us," he announced. "Since I'm the pilot, I get one!" After saying this, the pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane. "I'm the world's greatest athlete," proclaimed Michael Jordon. "This world needs great athletes, so I must live." Michael Jordon then grabbed a parachute and leaped out of the plane. "I'm the smartest man in the world," bragged Bill Gates. "The world needs smart men, so I must also live!" Bill Gates grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane. At this point, the Pope began to speak. "I have lived a long life compared to you, and you may take the last parachute. I will go down with the plane." "You don't have to stay here! The world's smartest man jumped out of the plane with my backpack."

Definition of God

A little boy was learning about God in his church, and he was talking to his mother about it. She, not wanting to place prejudice in the little boy's mind, sat him and said: "God is not a man or a woman, and God is not black or white."
To which the child responded, "Well, then is God Michael Jackson?"

Walmart Greeter

So I finally landed a job as a Walmart greeter. About two hours into my first day on the job a loud, mean and unattractive woman enters the store with her two children yelling obscenities at them the whole way.
Per my greeter instructions, I pleasantly said, "Good Morning and welcome to Walmart. Nice children you have there, are they twins?"
Agitated, the women sharply fires back, "Hell no, they ain't twins. This here one is 7, and this other one is 10. Why would you think they're twins? Are you blind, stupid, or both?"
To which I replied, "Ma'am, I am neither blind nor stupid. I just couldn't believe that someone slept with you twice."