A Drunk Man Shoots

A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a fairground rifle range booth and threw down the necessary money. The booth operator at first refused to let him have a turn, considering that his inebriated state would endanger the public. But the drunk insisted and was given a gun. He aimed unsteadily in the general direction of the target and after tying to focus, pulled the trigger three times. The booth owner, on inspecting the target, was astonished to see that he had scored three bulls eyes. The star prize for the evening was a large set of glassware, but the showman was certain that the drunk wasn't aware of what he had done, and gave him instead a consolation prize, a small, live turtle. The drunk wandered off into the crowd. An hour or so later he came back, even more drunk than before. Once again the showman demurred, but once again the drunk insisted, and once more scored three bulls eyes and was given another turtle. Eventually the drunk rolled up again and insisted on a third attempt. Once more he picked up the rifle, waved it around in the general direction of the target, and pulled the trigger three times. Once more he had scored three bulls eyes. But this time there was an onlooker with good eyesight. "That's fantastic", the man said. "Hasn't he scored three bulls? "The showman, cursing his luck, made a show of going over to the target and inspecting it closely. "Yes, sir!", he announced to the crowd. "This is fantastic! Congratulations, sir, you have won the star prize, this magnificent 68-piece set of glassware!" "I don't want any bloody glasses", the drunk replied. "Give me another one of those little crusty meat pies!"

An Hour Fast

A man walks into a bar and sits down next to a beautiful blonde. "I just got this amazing watch," he tells her, "it can read alpha waves, and can tell me what a person is thinking." "What does it say about me?" asked the blonde. "It says you want to sleep with me," said the man. "Sorry," said the blonde, "I think your watch is broken." "Hmmm," said the man slowly examining the watch, "It seems to be running an hour fast."

Milking the Cow

A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed. His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied, "Some things you just can't explain. This morning I was outside milking. As soon as the bucket was fill the cow kicked it down with his left foot so I tied up his left to a pole. I began to fill up the bucket again and he kicked it down with his right foot, so I tied his right to a pole too. As soon as I finished milkin' him again he knocked down the bucket with his with his tail and I took off my belt and tied up his tail with my belt. As I was tying up his tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can't explain!