George Bernard Shaw

While at a concert being performed by a very bad orchestra, George Bernard Shaw was asked what he'd like them to play next. "Dominoes," he replied.

Conductors Change a Bulb

Q: How many conductors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven. [Indignant nose upturning] Of course, I wouldn't expect you to understand.

Bagpiper And Lightning

Q: Why are bagpipers fingers like lightning?
A: They rarely strike the same spot twice.