Sea-Floor Spreading Lament

Sea-Floor Spreading Lament (folksong) by Brenna Lorenz
Refrain: Alas for the spreading of the ocean, Alas for the spreading of the sea, Alas for every year that passes by, Taking you two inches more from me! Oh, why did you leave our native plate, Causing me to weep and to mourn? With the plates diverging at such a rate, To leave me alone and lorn? If only the mantle would my counsel take, If the Earth would but listen unto me, I'd say, "Your convection cell remake, And bring my darling back to me!" So dive you down, you ocean dark, Part of the mantle be- Fire you up, you island arc - Subduct my darling back to me! 

Nice Try

Organized a day of entertainment to try and raise money for charity. The police turned up, shut it down, and closed off the area.
My fete is sealed

Here's Your Punishment

"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant. "You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter." "Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"