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The best jokes and joke writers!

Clinton's Favorite Instrument

Q: What is Bill Clinton's favorite instrument?

A: The WhoreMonica!

Ponderings Continued

  • If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  • When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
  • Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
  • Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
  • When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
  • Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?
  • Why are wise man and a wise guy opposites?
  • Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
  • If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
  • Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

Phone Songs

All of the following songs may be played on a touch-tone phone. Commas are pauses, and hyphens are held notes.

  • Mary Had A Little Lamb- 3212333, 222, 399, 3212333322321 or3212333, 222, 133, 3212333322321
  • Jingle Bells- 333, 333, 39123, 666-663333322329, 333, 333, 39123, 666-6633, 399621
  • Frere Jacques- 1231, 1231, 369, 369, 9*9631, 9*9631, 111, 111
  • Olympic Fanfare- 3-9-91231, 2222-32112312, 3-9-91231, 2222-32112321
  • The Butterfly Song- 963, 23621, 3693236236932362, 963, 23621
  • Happy Birthday- 112, 163, 112, 196, 110, 8521, 008, 121

Constitipation - Composer

Did you hear about the constipated composer? He got stuck on his last movement.

Flat Major

Q: What do you say after you run an army officer over with a steam roller?

A: See flat major.