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The best jokes and joke writers!

Phone Songs

All of the following songs may be played on a touch-tone phone. Commas are pauses, and hyphens are held notes.

  • Mary Had A Little Lamb- 3212333, 222, 399, 3212333322321 or3212333, 222, 133, 3212333322321
  • Jingle Bells- 333, 333, 39123, 666-663333322329, 333, 333, 39123, 666-6633, 399621
  • Frere Jacques- 1231, 1231, 369, 369, 9*9631, 9*9631, 111, 111
  • Olympic Fanfare- 3-9-91231, 2222-32112312, 3-9-91231, 2222-32112321
  • The Butterfly Song- 963, 23621, 3693236236932362, 963, 23621
  • Happy Birthday- 112, 163, 112, 196, 110, 8521, 008, 121

Flat Major

Q: What do you say after you run an army officer over with a steam roller?

A: See flat major.

The Great Invasion

A young English woman, Polly Martin, met and fell in love with a Yank during WWII. He was a reporter and battlefield artist attached to the military. His name was Wally Woodword and whenever there was any battlefield action Wally would make quick sketches on the front lines which he would later turn into proper drawings from which he wrote his reports. Now, Polly and her friend Susan worked for the Ministry of Defense as did many young English women and the department they worked in was one that allowed them to know a lot of interesting information - including the exact date of the Normandy Invasion. The day before the invasion Polly was telling Susan that she planned to spirit her reporter boyfriend away next day and take him on a picnic out in the country. "But, you can't do that," Susan replied. "Why not?" Her friend asked. "Polly, Wally doodles all D-Day!"

Major Seventh

Q: What is the definition of a major seventh?

A: A violist playing octaves.

Rhythm

Q: How can you tell when there is a drummer at your front door?

A: The knocking gets faster.