A Bat's Worst Day
Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch. One asks the other, "Do you recall your worst day last year?" The other responds, "Yes, the day I had diarrhea!"
Boys at the Zoo
A zookeeper approaches three boys standing near the lions' cage and asks them their names and what they're up to. The first boy says, "My name's Tommy and I was trying to feed peanuts to the lions." The second boy says, "My name's Billy and I was trying to feed peanuts to the lions." The third boy says, "My name is Peanuts."
A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds. His Personal Psychic Advisor told him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks. "No," says the psychic, "In biology class."
Stuck in an Elevator
Q: You are stuck in an elevator with a tiger, a lion and a lawyer. You have a gun with just two bullets in it. What do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice to make sure he's dead.
Q: How do you tell one end of a worm from the other?
A: Put it in a bowl of flour and wait for it to fart.