Q: What do whales eat?
A: Fish and ships.
Q: Why didn't the alligator eat the Texan after killing him?
A: Cause he found out he was full of Bullshit.
A Blonde's Goldfish
A blonde had some goldfish and she did not know how to feed them. So she called her brunette friend, and she showed her how. Once they were done feeding them, the blonde said, ''Now, what do I give them to drink?''
Something Fishy Here
What is life like under the sea? Is it a dogfish eat dogfish world? Is everyone united for a common porpoise, or do they all split off in their own special groupers? Well, one tragic story indicates it's not so perfect down there.
There was once a brilliant sturgeon on the staff of the community health fishility. He was in fact one of it's flounders. Wiser than salmon, a fin fellow who would never shrimp from his responsibilities, he was successful and happy and always whistled a happy tuna. One day one of his patients, a mere whipper snapper, started trouting around telling everyone the sturgeon's treatments had made him more eel than he had been and the conked him with a malpractice suit. Well, the sturgeon was in a real pickeral. The board chased him off the staff and demanded his oyster. Fortunately, the case smelt to high heaven so the judge denied the plaintiff's clam. The board tried to hire the sturgeon back but by then he had hit the bottle-nose pretty hard. What's really shad about the story is that the sturgeon ended up on squid-row...
A man is fishing next to a No Fishing sign and sees a Sheriff coming his direction. He hides his fishing rod, and silently watches the water:
Good morning, officer, is it something wrong? Sheriff, "The sign says No Fishing, can't you read?" Man, "I'm not fishing sir, why would you think that?" Sheriff, "Because you have a bucket full of fish." Man, "Oh, that! Those fish are my pets, I take them here for a swim and when I whistle and they come back, jump back to the bucket and we go home." Sheriff, "Okay, show me."
The man proceeds to empty the bucket with the fish into the water, and waits.
Sheriff, "So...Are you going to call the fish?"
Man, "What fish?"