Q: What is a dog's favorite food?
A: Anything that is on your plate!
Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: It doesn't matter, it's not going to come anyway!
The Irishman's Missing Dog
An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable. His wife says, "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?" So he does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy!" he replies.
Q: Why don't blind people like to skydive?
A: It scares the shit out of the dog!
Q: What goes TICK-TICK, WOOF-WOOF?
A: A watchdog!