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The best jokes and joke writers!

Difference between Cats and Dogs

A dog thinks: "Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!

Spot Seems Depressed

Jason gets off the elevator on the 50th floor and nervously knocks on his blind date's door. She opens it and is very beautiful and charming. "I'll be ready in a few minutes," she says. "Why don't you play with Spot, my dog, while you're waiting? He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up, and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through." The dog follows Jason onto the balcony and starts rolling over. Jason makes a hoop with his arms and Spot jumps through, over the balcony railing. Just then, Jason's date walks out. "Isn't Spot the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?" "To tell the the truth, " he replies, "Spot seemed a little depressed to me!"

Don't Walk -Riddles

Q: What do you do with a dog that doesn’t have any legs?

A: You take him for a drag.

Washing The Dog!

Washing the dog a young boy, about eight years old, walks into the local grocery store and picks out a huge box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. "Oh, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog!"
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."
But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog. About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.
"Oh, he died", the boy said sadly. The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added,
"I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog!"
"Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him."
"Oh? What was it then?"
"I think it was the spin cycle!"

Two Guys Walking Down The Street

There were two guys walking down the street and they saw a dog licking his nuts. One of the guys said. "Man I wish I could do that." Then the other guy said, "Man that dog will bite you!"