Bear and Squirrel

Deep in the woods sat a bear and a squirrel at the communal latrine.
"Hmmm" says the bear to the squirrel, "Do you find that shit tends to stick to your fur?"
"Yes it does" replies the squirrel.
"Great!" says the bear, and wipes his ass with the squirrel.

Three Pigs in a Bar

There were three little pigs. The first pig went to a bar, ordered a drink, gulped it down, went to the bathroom, and then left. The second pig went to the same bar, ordered a drink, gulped it down, went to the bathroom, and then left. The third pig went to the same bar, ordered a drink, gulped it down, and was just going to leave when the bartender asked if he was going to the bathroom.  The third little pig replied, “No, I’m the little pig that goes weee weee weee all the way home.”

Smitty the Parrot's Birthday

Harry says to his pet parrot Smitty, "What do you want for your birthday?"
Smitty says, "I want to get laid."
So Harry takes Smitty to a parrot whore house, gives him a hundred bucks, and Smitty goes upstairs with a hot-looking parrot whore.  
After a few minutes, Harry hears really loud screeching and squawking, so he runs upstairs and into the room.  There's Smitty, holding down the whore parrot and yanking out her colorful feathers.
"Harry, says Smitty, what the hell are you doing?"
Smitty says, "For a hundred bucks I want her nude!"