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Alcohol Jokes - Vodka Jokes
A Nun Arrives At The Local Bar
John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"
Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive. "How do you know this, Sister?"
"My Mother Superior told me so," she responds.
"But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"
Taken aback, the nun says, "Don't be ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself."
"Then let me buy you a drink. If you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life."
"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!"
"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know." The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar. "Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks." Then he lowers his voice and says to the barman, "And could you put the vodka in a teacup?"
Looking concerned, the bartender says "Oh no! It's not that Nun again is it?"
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15 Signs You Drank Too Much
15. You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping... with your Oldsmobile.
14. Although armed with fire extinguishers, friends stood at a safe distance as you blew out your birthday candles.
13. Thanks to you, Jack Daniels stock is up 15 1/4 since Friday.
12. Boris Yeltsin called personally to ask you to slow down on the Stoli.
11. For some reason, there's salt on the rim of your basketball goal.
10. Your name is Otis and Sheriff Andy has brought you some of Aunt Bea's pancakes.
9. For the money you spent on Thunderbird, you could've bought the automobile.
8. You're now the proud inventor of the "Slim Jim": Ultra Slim-Fast shakes made with Jim Beam.
7. Answering machine full of warnings from Coach Switzer.
6. Absolut wants to run an ad featuring a picture of your liver in the shape of a bottle.
5. Yet again, dry cleaner employees greet you with, "Hey, it's Vomit Man!"
4. The doorman asks for your I.D. just to see how long it'll take you to find your pants.
3. Your liver, in a fit of pique, leaps out of your abdominal cavity into a pan of frying onions.
2. Worried friends call Monday morning to make sure you returned the goat.
1. You're now sober enough to realize "Drink Canada Dry" is a slogan and not a personal challenge.
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Big Brother
The doctor told me I abuse alcohol
I didn't think anyone had seen me slapping around that bottle of vodka
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