Alcohol Jokes - Others

Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates over tea. "I call my man 'Eight,' " said the first woman, "Because he's got eight inches, and we do it eight times a day." The second woman said in response, "I call my man 'Ten' because his dong is ten inches long, and we do it ten times every night. "The first woman then asked the third woman "What do you call your man?" She answered " 'Creme de Menthe.'" "Why? Isn't' that a liqueur?" the other two wanted to know. "Yep, it is," said the woman, continuing, "yeah, you betcha!"

Q: Have you heard about the Osama Bin Laden celebratory cocktail?

A: It's two shots and a splash of water!

You know you've been married too long when a "Quickie" before dinner now means a drink.

Q: What's the difference between a camel and a Russian?

A: A camel can walk for 30 days without drinking but a Russian can drink for 30 days without walking.

John was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"

"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"

John thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."

Judi, sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him -- he's just a wise guy when he's drunk and stoned."

Brian from the back seat said, "I told you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"