Act Religious

A plane full of retirees headed for Florida was gripped with fear when the pilot announced, "Two of our engines are on fire; we are flying through a heavy fog, and it has eliminated virtually all our visibility."
The passengers were numb with fear, except for one... a semi-retired minister. "Now, now, keep calm, folks" he said. "Let's all bow our heads and pray." Immediately, the group bowed their heads to pray... except fellow near the back. "Why aren't you bowing your head to pray?" the minister asked.
"Well, I don't know how to pray," replied the passenger.
"Well, just do something religious!" piped up another well meaning passenger. So the man got up and started down the aisle passing his hat...

Dream Flying Planes

Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the mid west, and had been married for years.  Bob had always wanted to go flying. The desire deepened each time a barn stormer flew into town to offer rides.  Bob would ask and Sue would say, "No way, ten dollars is ten dollars."  The years went by and Bob figured he didn't have much longer, so he got Sue out to the show explaining, it's free to  watch, let's at least watch.  And once he got there the feeling become even stronger. Sue and Bob started an argument.  The Pilot, between flights, overheard.  Listening to their problem, he said, "I'll tell you what, I'll take you up flying and if you don't say a word the ride is on me, but if you bark one sound, you pay ten dollars.  So off they flew. The Pilot doing as many rolls, and dives as he could.  Heading off the ground as fast as the plane could go, and pulling out of the dive at just the very last second. Not a word. Finally he admitted defeat and went back to the air port. "I'm surprised, why didn't you say anything?"  "Well, I almost said something when Sue fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."

Duh!

Q: How do you recognize a blonde at the airport?
A: She's the one throwing bread at the airplanes.