Plane Bathroom Afflictions

A man on a plane asked the stewardess if he could use the restroom. She told him the men's room was broken, so he had to use the women's room. Then she said, ''But don't push the W.W. button, or the P.B. button, and DO NOT push the A.T.R. button." But of course he had to push the W.W. button, which he discovered stood for warm water (sprayed on your butt). Then he pushed the P.B. button, which stood for powder your butt. And since those two things had been so pleasant, he pushed the A.T.R. button. He later woke up in a bright room and doctors were all around him. When he asked why he was there, they asked him if he hit the A.T.R. - automatic tampon remover - button. The guy said, "Yes... what happened?" The doctor said, "Your penis is on your pillow."

A New Tearful Bride

A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him." "Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding." "No, mother, you don't understand. I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price!" "Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate!" says her mom. "Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars." "No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey, it was the airplane ticket." "Airplane ticket.... What did you need an airplane ticket for?" "Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the package and it said - 'Prepare from a frozen state,' so I flew to Alaska!"

Airport Bar

A guy sitting at a bar in Chicago O'hare noticed a beautiful woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself, "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be a flight attendant.
But which airline does she work for?" Hoping to gain her attention, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta Slogan, "Love to fly and it shows?"
She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself, "Nope, not Delta."
A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again, "Something special in the air?" She gave him the same confused look.
He mentally kicked himself, and scratched American Airlines off the list. Next he tried the Southwest slogan, "Low fares, nothing to hide?"
This time the woman savagely turned on him, "What the fuck do you want?"
The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, and said.... "Ahhh, United Airlines!"