Drunk English Time Telling

One day, a policeman walked by and saw a drunk man sitting in a puddle. "Hey, are you drunk?" asked the policeman. "No! I'm just resting!" said the drunk man in a lazy voice. "Oh, is that so? Well, if your not drunk, what time is it?" The drunk man raised his arm, as if to point at something, and raised the other arm to cross the first arm over and said, "It's 12:43!" "Amazing!" said the policeman. "How did you do that?" "Hee hee, magic!" he said in a drunk voice. The policeman was puzzled and asked the drunk man again how he did it. "Oh ok! Don't push me!" he said. "I'll tell you how I did it only if you sit with me in this puddle." "What? No, I'm not sitting in that puddle." said the policeman. " OK, then you will not learn my secret." So the policeman stepped in the puddle, and sat down near the drunk man. "OK, I'm in the puddle, now tell me." "Well, turn to face that way, and look at that very large building," He pointed, " Do you see it?" "Ya I see it, so what?" Said the policeman. "Well, then I bet that you see that the building is Big Ben."

Hiding in a Tree

One day a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were being chased by the police. The girls decided to go up three different trees and hide. The brunette hid in the apple tree. The redhead hid in the lemon tree, and the blonde hid in the oak tree. The policeman went to the apple tree and said, "Is there anyone up there?" The brunette went, "meow." The policeman said to himself, "Oh, its just a cat stuck up in a tree!" Then he went over to the lemon tree and said, "Is there anyone up there?" The redhead went, "bark bark." The policeman said to himself, "Oh, its just a dog stuck up in a tree!" Then he went over to the oak tree and said, "Is there anyone up there?" The Blonde went, "Acorn, acorn!"

Substance on the Field

The England team's training session was delayed on Wednesday for nearly two hours at Twickenham. One of the players, while on his way back to the dressing room happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown white powdery substance at the end of the field. Coach Clive Woodward immediately suspended practice while the Police were called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the Police determined that the white substance, unknown to the players, was the try line. Practice was resumed when the officials decided that it was unlikely that the team would encounter the substance again.