Notice of a Class Action Suit

I was wondering if anyone else is having a problem with the Carbon Based Unit, Model # Homo Sapiens. The following is a list of constant problems:

• A constant whining whenever the brain disengages after debating the virtues of the automobile selection process
• Overheats when the air/gray matter ratio exceeds rational equilibrium in regard to ones own responsibility to auto maintenance
• When mouth is placed in gear, makes loud noise whilst insulting the the auto professional. (see previous item)
• Software controlling the "computer" is defective... Wild, random responses to input stimuli (i.e. "Have you checked the oil..?")
• Motor controls are sluggish (i.e. response to traffic light stimuli and expected law abiding response)
• Mouth continues to run long after brain has shut off
• Touts superior performance, but functions do not perform as advertised
• Lifetime warranty is a misnomer. Cannot get problems fixed under any policy
• Model not eligible for trade in or replacement under Lemon Law 

I have attempted to contact the manufacturer of this model regarding these issues, but I have received no response. I can only assume that this creator does not stand by the product in question. Therefore, I am directing my attorney to file a Class Action suit on behalf of myself and my family. The basis for this suit is that the manufacturer did knowingly produce a defective product. Interested parties make contact my attorney: U. B. Taken1-800-Get-Awayor write: 7734 Geton Withit Ave.Getalife, Hades 12345-678

Geology Word Plays

If you are a real geologist, you probably enjoy transferring geology vocabulary into everyday situations. For example, if you agree with what someone has said, you may say, "You breccia!" or "My sediments exactly!" And if you are not pleased with the person's statement, you may resort to the old: "That's not gneiss!"

Very Bad Private Eye

The Top Signs That You've Hired A Bad Private Eye

• Considers reading "The Hardy Boys Mysteries" actually helpful research.
• He has a pet basset hound named "Flash" that acts as his trusty assistant.
• His best disguise is wearing a hat.
• Keeps getting confused and follows you all the time.
• Won't read any messages without his trusty decoder ring.
• Dresses up like Jessica Fletcher from "Murder She Wrote" when he thinks he's caught the suspect.
• Well, he's blind.