Need a Raise

I told my boss that three companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my current job. He asked which three were interested. I said the gas, electric and cable companies.
 

Arrested For Drunk Driving

There was the surgeon who was arrested for drunk driving. They let him go, even though he was already an hour late for an operation.

Candidate's Shootout

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
Fargo, North Dakota: A candidate for sheriff has challenged his opponents to a shootout, calling it a test of a law officer's ability to protect the public. "Clearly, being the best shot doesn't necessarily make you the best sheriff, but I think it proves a point," Ken Schwab said Tuesday. Schwab wants the four other candidates to meet him June 1 at a shooting range. Each will fire 24 rounds at targets to determine the best shot, Schwab said. The challenge could be a problem for one candidate -- a well-known local tax protester and convicted felon who's not allowed to possess a firearm.