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The best jokes and joke writers!

Car Clunk

An auto mechanic received a repair order that read: "Check for clunking sound when going around corners." Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and a moment later he heard a "clunk." He then made a left turn and again heard a "clunk." Back at the shop he opened the car's trunk, and soon discovered the problem. Promptly he returned the repair order to the service manager with the notation, "Removed bowling ball from trunk."

Excited Preacher

The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"

Misunderstood People

1. They speak only the Greek language.

2. They usually have long threatening names such as Bonferonni, Tchebycheff, Schatzoff, Hotelling, and Godambe. Where are the statisticians with names such as Smith, Brown, or Johnson?

3. They are fond of all snakes and typically own as a pet a large South American snake called an ANOCOVA.

4. For perverse reasons, rather than view a matrix right side up they prefer to invert it.

5. Rather than moonlighting by holding Amway parties they earn a few extra bucks by holding pocket-protector parties.

6. They are frequently seen in their back yards on clear nights gazing through powerful amateur telescopes looking for distant star constellations called ANOVA's.

7. They are 99% confident that sleep can not be induced in an introductory statistics class by lecturing on z-scores.

8. Their idea of a scenic and exotic trip is traveling three standard deviations above the mean in a normal distribution.

9. They manifest many psychological disorders because as young statisticians many of their statistical hypotheses were rejected.

10. They express a deap-seated fear that society will someday construct tests that will enable everyone to make the same score. Without variation or individual differences the field of statistics has no real function and a statistician becomes a penniless ward of the state.

Boxing Referee

And then there was the boxing referee who used to work for NASA; every time a fighter would go down, he'd start counting "10, 9, 8...."

A Round of Golf

A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole. "He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine the same thing happened and he approached her again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th hole, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th hole." Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.  He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.  He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you are in the sales profession. I'm in sales, also. What do you sell?"  She replied, "If I tell you, you'll laugh." "No, I won't."  "Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax."  With that, he laughed so hard he almost lost his breath. She said, "See I knew you would laugh."  "That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you!"