Fire and Theft Insurance

The other day my house caught fire. The insurance agent said, "Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?"
I said, "Fire and theft."
Insurance agent frowned. "Uh oh. Wrong kind. You should have fire OR theft."
Apparently, the only way I can make a claim with this coverage is if the house is robbed while it's burning down.

Anything You Want

There was a guy sitting at a bar having a beer. Up walks a so called "lady of the night". She says, "For $300.00, I'll do anything you want." Our fine lad thinks for a moment then says: "Ok. Paint my house, bitch!"

Urologist Christmas

Q: How did the urologist ruin his Christmas?
A: He looked inside Santa's sack.