Name that Tune

A nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks her to hear a confession: "Today I enjoyed the pleasures of the flesh. Father Goodwim came to me and told me that I had the gates to Heaven here between my legs. Then he said that he had the key to Heaven, and he put it in the gates." "BASTARD!" cried the Mother Superior. "For years he told me it was Gabriel's trumpet and I have been blowing it."

Mama Bird

Q: What did the mama bird say to the baby bird when she was tucking the baby bird into bed.
A: Tweet tight

Albert Einstein's Chauffeur

Albert Einstein used to go to dinners where he was invited to give a speech. One day, on his way to one of those dinners, he told his chauffeur (who looked exactly like him) that he was dead tired of giving the same speech, dinner after dinner.
"Well," said the chauffeur, "I've got a good idea. Why don't I give the speech since I've heard it so many times?'' So Albert's chauffeur gave the speech perfectly and even answered a few questions. Then, a professor stood up and asked him a really tough question about anti-matter which the chauffeur couldn't answer "Sir, the answer to your question is so easy that I'll let my chauffeur answer it!"