Who's Saved First?

Three ladies were on a flight, when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing." The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich, and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great t*ts and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."

Baby Names

Went to the doctor with Depression. People say I'm cruel for naming my daughter that, but my wife said we should name her after the state I was in when I heard the news.
Turns out she meant Georgia.

Congressional Question

If the prefix "con" is the opposite of the prefix "pro", then is "Congress" the opposite of "progress"?