Check Your Pocket

A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket and ordered a double scotch. A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was repeated for some time, until he finally looked into his pocket and told the bartender he'd had enough.The bartender said, "I have to ask you. What's with the pocket business?"
"Oh," said the man. "I have my lawyer's picture in here. When he starts to look honest, I know I've had enough."

The Bucket

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
A: The bucket.

First Question

One day at a trial, an eminent psychologist was called to testify. A severe, no-nonsense professional, she sat down in the witness chair, unaware that its rear legs were set precariously on the back of the raised platform. "Will you state your name?" asked the district attorney. Tilting back in her chair she opened her mouth to answer, but instead catapulted head-over-heels backward and landed in a stack of exhibits and recording equipment.  Everyone watched in stunned silence as she extricated herself, rearranged her disheveled dress and hair and was reseated on the witness stand. The glare she directed at onlookers dared anyone to so much as smirk. "Well, doctor," continued the district attorney without changing expression, "we could start with an easier question".