Travel Jokes - Others

A panhandler was caught trying to sneak aboard a Princess liner about to embark on a three-day trip to the Bahamas. He was caught by the Purser who threw him off the ship telling him, "Beggars can't be cruisers."

Mr. Johnson's wife of 50 years suggested they take a cruise: "We could go somewhere for a week, and make wild love like we did when we were young." He thought it over and agreed. He went to the pharmacy and bought a bottle of seasick pills and a tube of lubricant. Upon returning home, his wife said "I've been thinking, there's no reason we can't go for a month." Mr. Johnson went back to the pharmacy and asked for 12 bottles of seasick pills and a tube of lubricant.
When he returned his wife said, "Since the children are on their own, what's stopping us from cruising the world?" He went back and bought 200 bottles of seasick pills and more tubes of lubricant. The pharmacist finally had to ask: "You know, Mr. Johnson, I don't mean to pry, but if it makes you that sick, why the hell do you do it?"

When customs finds something in your butt, how do you act surprised?

The following is supposedly a true story relating to an actual guide and his response to questions.

Swiss mountain guides who always do the same trails can get tired answering the same questions over and over. One time an English tourist was giving his guide an especially hard time with silly questions. They were walking through a mountain valley that was strewn with rocks, and the traveler asked, "How did these rocks get here?" "Sir," said the guide, "they were brought down by a glacier." The tourist peered up the mountain and said, "But I don't see any glacier." "Oh, really?" said the guide. "I guess it has gone back for more rocks." 

A little Italian grandfather comes up to Customs.

The Customs official says, "Have you got anything to declare?"

He thinks a second and he says, "It's a nice-a day!"