Important Question

Q: How do you keep a terrorist from drowning?
A: Take your foot off his head.

Area 51

After thousands of people threatened to march into Area 51 the U.S. Air Force made a public statement.
They said, "There is bad news and good news."
First the bad news. The aliens have landed on earth and are being held by the government.
Now the good news. They eat Terrorists and piss gasoline.

Goodnight ISIS

I woke up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and I noticed an ISIS Muslim with a large knife sneaking through my next door neighbor's garden toward his house. Suddenly my neighbor came from out of nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel, killing him instantly. He then dug a grave and put the body in it and covered it.
Astonished I got back into bed. My wife rolled over and said, "Honey, you're shaking. What happened?" "You'll never believe what I just saw!" I said. "Our next door neighbor still has our shovel that he borrowed last year!"