The Hunting Season

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying "NERDS NOT ALLOWED -- ENTER AT OWN RISK!" He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says he smells kind of nerdy, asks him what he does for a living. The truck driver says he drives a truck and that the smell is just from the computers he is hauling. The bartender says,  "Ok, truck drivers are not nerds", and serves him a beer.
As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver asks him why he did that. The bartender said not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating the Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license, he said. So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop. The truck driver said, "What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season." "Well, sure," said the patrolman, "But you can't bait 'em."

The Programmer's Cheer

Shift to the left, shift to the right! Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!

Wrong ISP

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU PICKED THE WRONG INTERNET SERVICE PROVIDER
1. Their company logo: two tin cans and a length of string.
2. You check out their address, and it's a phone booth containing a Compaq portable and an acoustic coupler
.3. Their chief technical officer lives in a 10-foot-by-7-foot shack in the woods.
4. Their proud boast: "We've been on the Internet since it was CB radio."
5. Their promo materials use the words "information" and "superhighway" in the same sentence.
6. You order an SLIP/PPP connection, email, and 2MB of server space for your personal Web site, and the voice on the other end of the phone asks "Would you like fries with that?"
7. "As seen in Better Business Bureau special reports."
8. "Access speeds up to 9,600 BPS in most areas."
9. They hawk both domain names and Rolexes on street corners.
10. They charge by the word.