U.S. State Jokes - Texas Jokes
Death of a West Texan
A cattleman from West Texas died and went on to the Great Beyond. As he approached the great gate, he noticed that the terrain was bare with no greenery. He remarked to the gate keeper, "Howdy Saint Peter. Say, this looks just like Texas." The gatekeeper replied, "First of all, I'm not Saint Peter and second, you really don't know where you are at all, do you?"
Texan, Russian, New Yorker Out to Eat
A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go into a restaurant in London. "Excuse me, but if you were going to order the steak, I'm afraid there's a shortage due to the mad cow disease," says the waiter. The Texan says, "What's a shortage?" The Russian says, "What's a steak?" The New Yorker says, "What's 'excuse me'?"
Texas Game Warden
A Texas game warden came upon a coyote caught in a trap. He returned to his office and called the Oklahoma game warden and told him one of his coyotes was caught in a trap. "How do you know it's one of our coyotes?" asked the Oklahoma game warden. "Well," replied the Texas game warden, "He's already chewed off three of his legs and he's still trapped!"
Texan Computer Terms
"Hard drive" - Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.
"Keyboard" - Place to hang your truck keys.
"Window" - Place in the truck to hang your guns.
"Floppy" - When you run out of Polygrip.
"Modem" - How you got rid of your dandelions.
"ROM" - Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.
"Byte" - First word in a kiss-off phrase.
"Reboot" - What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.
"Network" - Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line.
"Mouse" - Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.
"LAN" - To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck."
"Cursor" - What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.
"Bit" - A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways."
"Digital Control" - What yore fingers do on the TV remote.
"Packet" - What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.
- The Dallas newspapers reported yesterday that Texas Stadium is going to take out the artificial turf because the cowboys play better on "grass."
- The Dallas Cowboys adopted a new "Honor System", Yes your Honor, no your Honor.
- The Cowboys had a 12 and 5 season this year, 12 arrests, 5 convictions.
- The Cowboys knew they had to do something for their defense, so they hired a new defensive coordinator: Johnny Cochran