U.S. State Jokes - Texas Jokes
Dallas Safe Zone
Q: Where are Dallas residents staying to avoid Ebola?
A: Cowboy Stadium. They can't catch anything there.
Q: Why didn't the alligator eat the Texan after killing him?
A: Cause he found out he was full of Bullshit.
We Have Plenty of Those
A Texan, a Californian and a Seattlite were all drinking in a bar.
After a while, the Texan grabbed a bottle of tequila, threw it in the air and shot it into a thousand pieces. "Don't you boys worry about it," said the Texan, "we have plenty of tequila deep in the heart of Texas." The Californian, not wanting to be outdone, selected a bottle of fine wine, tossed it up, and shot it into smitherines. "Hey, don't sweat it dudes," chirped the Californian, "There's zillions of bottles of wine in Cali." The Seattlite, following suit, guzzled down a bottle of micro-brewed beer, chucked it towards the rafters, shot the Californian, and (without missing a beat) pulled out his hand and caught the beer bottle. Everyone in the bar stood frozen in shock. "Relax, kids," said the Seattlite cooly, "Up in Seattle, there's a freakin' shitload of Californians. No big deal."
Q: What do you call a bunch of millionaires sitting around watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Dallas Cowboys
Q: What did the weather satellite say to mission control?
A: Houston, you have a problem.