Woman Saying Something Smart

Q: How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?
A: When she starts her sentence with , "A man once told me... "

Good Girls vs. Bad Girls

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.
Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.
Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines.
Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know they could do it better.
Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.
Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear high heels to bed.
Good girls say, "No." Bad girls say, "When?"

Defining the Perfect Woman

What's the definition of a perfect woman?

1. Three feet tall with a round hole for a mouth and a flat head so that you can put a pint of beer on it.
2. The sports model has pullback ears and her teeth fold in.
3. The economy model fucks all evening and, at midnight, turns into a roast beef sandwich and a six pack.