Joke's On You

A husband comes home with a half-gallon of ice cream and asks his wife if she wants some. "How hard is it?" she asks. "About as hard as my dick." he replies. "Okay, then pour me some!"

Request For A Raise

The male sexual organ requests a promotion and a raise for the following reasons:

• Has to work hard
• Has to work at great depths
• Has to work upside down
• Has no ventilation or air conditioned environment at work
• Has to work in a high humidity environment
• Has to work at high temperatures
• Does not get weekends and holidays off
• Does not get time off after extra hours of work
• Has a hazardous work environment that often causes professional sickness.

Request DENIED for the following reasons:

• Does not work 8 hours in a row
• Does not answer immediately to all requests
• Does not have a degree
• After a short activity period, falls asleep at work
• Shows no fidelity to the workplace
• Retires too early
• Does not work at all unless pushed from behind
• Does not leave the workplace clean after finishing work.

A Facelift Experience

A lady goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift. "Well," says the doctor, "I can do the facelift, and then you'll have to come back in six months for a follow-up." "Oh, no." the woman replies. "I want it all done in one shot. I don't want to have to come back." The doctor thinks for a second, then offers, "There is a new procedure where we put a screw in the top of your head. Then anytime you see wrinkles appearing, you just give it a little turn, which pulls the skin up and they disappear." "That's what I want!" exclaims the lady. "Let's do that." Six months later the lady charges into the doctor's office. "Well, how's the procedure holding up?" the doctor asks. "Terrible!" the lady bellows. "It's the worst mistake I've ever made." "What's wrong?" asks the doctor. "Just look at these bags under my eyes!" she hollers. "Lady," the doctor reports, "those aren't bags, those are your boobs, and if you don't leave that screw alone, you're going to have a beard!"