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Three Chinese Tortures
One day a man goes into a hotel and asks for a room to stay in. The manager gives him a room and warns him not to mess around with his daughter or he'll get the "Three Chinese Tortures." On his way to his room the man sees the manager's daughter. She's very beautiful and he figures he'll endure whatever he has to. So he has his way with the daughter and retires to his room. The next morning when he wakes up he finds a rock on his chest. There is a note on it, reading: "FIRST CHINESE TORTURE: ROCK ON CHEST." The man laughs and throws the rock out the window. Then he sees a sign on the nightstand that says: ''SECOND CHINESE TORTURE: LEFT NUT TIED TO ROCK." He goes flying out the window after the rock but, as he does, he spots a sign on the windowsill that proclaims: "THIRD CHINESE TORTURE: RIGHT NUT TIED TO BED POST."
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Three Dogs at the Vet
Three dogs were at the vet talking to each other, when they got to the topic of why they were there.
The first dog says, "I chewed up all my masters shoes, and that's why I'm here."
The second dog said, "I peed on my masters $1,000 rug."
The third dog then pipes up and says, "My master is a woman and she likes to clean house in the nude. So today, when she bent over to pick something up, I went for the ride of a life time!"
"And that's why you're here?" asked the other dogs.
"No," replied the third. "I'm getting my nails clipped."
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