What I Got From the Lord
When the Lord gave out brains, I thought he said trains and I missed mine! When he gave out looks, I thought he said books, and I didn't want any! When he gave out noses, I thought he said Four Roses, and I ordered a big one! When he gave out legs, I thought he said kegs, and I ordered two fat ones! When he gave out ears, I thought he said beers, and I ordered two long ones! When the Lord gave out chins, I thought he said gins, and I said 'Give me a double' Oh Lord! I'm a mess!
More Cool Bumper Stickers
- I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
- There's too much blood in my alcohol system.
- WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
- You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
- I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.
- Jesus paid for our sins... now lets get our money's worth.
- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
- Prevent inbreeding: ban Country & Western music.
- Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
- Lord save me from your followers.
- God must love stupid people. He made so many.
- I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
- Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down.
- I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Kid's Letters to God
Some cute letters kids have written to God:
Dear GOD: Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't You just keep the ones You have? - Jane
Dear GOD: Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. - Larry
Dear GOD: If You watch me in church on Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes. - Mickey
Dear GOD: I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. - Nan
Dear GOD: In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation? - Jane
Dear GOD: I read the Bible. What does "beget" mean? Nobody will tell me. - Love, Alison
Dear GOD: Are You really invisible or is it just a trick? - Lucy
Dear GOD: Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house? Anita
Dear GOD: Did You mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? -Norma
Dear GOD: Who draws the lines around the countries? - Nan
Dear GOD: I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? -Neil
Dear GOD: What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything. -Jane
Dear GOD: Did You really mean "do unto others as they do unto you"? Because if You did, then I'm going to fix my brother. - Darla
Dear GOD: Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. - Joyce
Dear GOD:It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about You that people are not supposed to say, but I hope You will not hurt him anyway. Your friend, (But I am not going to tell You who I am)
Dear GOD: Why is Sunday school on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest. Tom L.
Dear GOD: Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up. Bruce
Dear GOD: If we come back as something else, please don't let me be MaryHorton - because I hate her. - Denise
Dear GOD: If you give me a genie like Aladdin, I will give You anything You want, except my money or my chess set. - Raphael
Dear GOD: I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over. - Sam
Dear GOD: You don't have to worry about me. I always look both ways. - Dean
Dear GOD: I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions. Ruth M.
Dear GOD: I think about You sometimes even when I'm not praying - Elliott
Dear GOD: Of all the people who work for You I like Noah and David the best.- Rob
Dear GOD: My brother told me about being born but it doesn't sound right. They're just kidding, aren't they? - Marsha
Dear GOD: I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible. - Love, Chris
Dear GOD: We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school they said You did it So I bet he stole your idea. - Sincerely, Donna
Dear GOD: The bad people laughed at Noah - "You made an ark on dry land, you fool." But he was smart, he stuck with You. That's what I would do. - Eddie
Dear GOD: I do not think anybody could be a better GOD. Well, I just want You to know but I am not just saying that because You are GOD already. - Charles
Dear GOD: I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset You made on Tuesday. That was cool. - Eugene
Top 10 Reasons God Created Eve!
Top 10 Reasons God Created Eve
- God worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions
- God knew that Adam would one day require someone to locate and hand him the TV remote.
- God knew that Adam would never go out and get himself a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would, therefore, need Eve to go get one for him.
- God knew that Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.
- God knew that Adam would never be able to remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.
- God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.
- As "Keeper of the Garden," Adam would never remember where he left his tools.
- Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
- As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone!"
- When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head, and said, "I can do better than THAT!"
Good Holiday Deed
A worker in the post office is sorting through the mail when she sees a letter addressed to "God." She opens it up and finds a handwritten note from an old lady. The note says she desperately needs $200 dollars to pay her heating bills, and she has nowhere else to turn. She hoped God could figure out a way to send her the money. It’s getting close to holiday season, so the kind hearted postal worker decides to take up a collection. She ends up getting $150 and mails the cash to the lady. A few weeks later, there’s another letter addressed to God from the same old woman. The worker opens it up, and it says: "Dear God, Thank you so much for the money you sent. It helped me through a difficult time and I’m glad that I have faith. However, I received only $150. Those damn postal workers must have the other $50!"