Writing a Sermon

A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked. "Why, God tells me," the father answered. The boy replied, "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"

49ers New Recruits

Q: Why did the 49ers hire two nuns and a prostitute?
A: They wanted two tight ends and a wide receiver.

The Essential Difference

One day the zoo-keeper noticed that "Cheech" the orangutang was reading two books -- the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books?" "Well," said the orangutang, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."