Dating Terms Defined

LOVE AT 1st SIGHT - what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.
DATING - the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.
BIRTH CONTROL - avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men or spending time around children.
EASY - a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.
EYE CONTACT - a method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many woman have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.
FRIEND - a member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.
INDIFFERENCE - a woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get."
INTERESTING - a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.
IRRITATING HABIT - what the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.
LAW OF RELATIVITY - how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportional to how unattractive your date is.
NYMPHOMANIAC - a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.
FRIGID - a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex less often than he does, or who requires more foreplay than lifting her nightgown.
SOBER - condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.
NAG - a man's term for a woman who wants more to her life with him than just intercourse.

Now That We're Married

When we were dating, my husband used to always tell me those three magic words, "I love you". Now that we are married, those three magic words have become, "What's for dinner?"
When we were dating, my husband would gently rub me with hot oil while he affectionately called me lovely nicknames. Now that we are married, he gently rubs his car with hot wax, which now has its own pet nickname.
When we were dating, my husband would always love to watch me undress. Now that we are married, he loves to watch championship wrestling.
When we were dating, my husband read poetry to me as he caressed me in his arms late into the night. Now that we are married, he quotes me sports statistics and stock prices during breakfast.
When we were dating, my husband would passionately motivate and urge me on in whatever I did, whether it was at my job or during sex. Now that we are married, the only thing he passionately urges on is his favorite football team.
When we were dating, my husband would make love to me on his waterbed like a sex-starved wild beast who would go on and on. So we called the bed our "Ocean Of Motion Love Potion". Now that we are married, the bed has been renamed "The Dead Sea".

Jerks Get Attractive Wives

While reading a newspaper, Walter came across an article about a beautiful actress and model who married a boxer who was noted for his IQ. "I'll never understand," he said to his wife, "why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives." His wife replied, "Why, thank you, dear!"