Relationship Jokes - Marriage Jokes

No Arguments

Six months into a marriage, a man was asked by his best friend how everything was going. He replied, "Oh, just fine. We practically never have any arguments. In the morning, she does what she wants. In the afternoon, I do what she wants. And at night, we both do what we both want."

Categories: Relationship Jokes (Marriage Jokes)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Lottery

A husband says to his wife, “What would you do if I won the lottery?”
She says, “I would take half and then leave you.”
“Excellent,” he replies. “I won $12. Here’s $6. Now get the f*ck out.”

Categories: Relationship Jokes (Marriage Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Divorce Jokes)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Submitted BY: iTech

English, Irish, and Scottish Wives

The Englishman's, Irishman's and Scotsman's wives go shopping one day to a big department store. While they are there a fire breaks out. Everyone in the store is killed, including the three women. Their husbands are summoned to the local police station where a policewoman breaks the news to them: "I'm afraid sirs, that we believe your wives were killed in the fire at the department store. However the fire was so intense we cannot identify the bodies. Only their handbags survived the blaze. Can you identify your wives' handbags from these three found in the store?" The three men all look at the handbags and each one is able to identify one of the handbags as belonging to his wife. With all handbags accounted for the policewoman leaves the men to deal with their grief in peace. The three men sit in silence for a while, then the Englishman opens his wife's handbag and rummages through the contents, finally pulling out a half-empty packet of cigarettes and says, "All these years married and I never knew the old girl smoked." The Scotsman looks into his wife's handbag and pulls out a half-empty bottle of scotch. "Jings, I knew her all that time an ah didnae ken ma missus drank." The Irishman empties his wife's handbag onto the floor, looks through the contents and picks up a half empty packet of condoms. "Saints preserve us! All dese years an oi never knew me wife was a man."

Categories: Dark Humor Jokes (Death Jokes) , Ethnic / Country Jokes (Irish Jokes) , Ethnic / Country Jokes (Scottish Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Marriage Jokes)
Anonymous