One Last Night

One day, this guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another.  After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried.  "What's the matter?", the bartender asks. "My wife and I got into a fight," explained the guy, "and now she is refusing to talk to me for a whole 31 days." The bartender thought about this for a while. "But, isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?", asked the bartender. " Yeah, except tonight is the last night."

Husband

The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.

What If

My wife asked me if I'd ever thought about what my life would be like if we hadn't met.
I told her that I hadn't. Well, I don't want to depress myself.