Always There

A man was walking across the road when he had an accident. The impact was on his head which caused him to be comatose for two days before he finally regained consciousness. When he opened his eyes, his wife was there beside him. He held her hands and said meaningfully : "You have always been by my side. When I was a struggling University student, I failed again and again. And sometimes, even my re-papers as well. You were there beside me, encouraging me to go on trying..." She squeezed his hands as he continued: "When I went for all the major interviews and failed to clinch any of the jobs, you were there beside me, cutting out more adverts for me to apply...." He continued: "Then I started work at this little firm and finally got to handle a big contract. I blew it because of one little mistake. You were there beside me. Then I finally got another job after being laid off for some time. I never seem to be promoted and my hard work was not recognized. As such, I remained in the same position from the day I joined the company till now...and you're still beside me..." Her eyes brimmed with tears as she listened to her husband: "And now I had an accident and when I woke up, you are here beside me...There's something I'd really like to say to you..." She flung herself on the bed to hug her husband, sobbing with emotion. He said, "You're a freaking jinx!"

Dominated Spouses

Standing at the pearly gates of heaven, Albert noticed a sign  pointing to two paths. One was marked "Women" and the other marked "Men". He took the path assigned to men and then came upon two more gates. The right-hand gate had a sign that read "Men Who Were Dominated By Their Spouses"; the other gate read "Men Who  Bossed And Dominated Their Spouses". The first gate had an endless line of guys waiting, but only one little guy stood before the male domination gate. Albert was undecided, so he walked up to the little guy standing all alone and asked, "Why are you standing at this gate, a little punk like you?" The smallish fellow replied, "I haven't a clue. My wife told me to stand here."

Honeymoon Over

Groom: "Dear, we've been back from the Caribbean for a month now. We've been in our apartment now for nearly a month. Isn't it time we were alone?"
Bride: "But darling, we are alone, aren't we?"
Groom: "What I mean is, when can we get your mother out of here?"
Bride: "MY mother! I thought she was YOUR mother!!!"