Share this joke via Email (Step 2)
Share this Joke on Twitter
Registered Users Only
Registered Users Only
Get link for other Social Networks
- Home
- Popular Jokes
- New Releases
- Joke of the Day
- Browse By Category
- Browse Writers
- Contests
- Submit Joke
- Contact Us
- Info
All rights reserved.
- Home
- >
- Categories
- >
- Relationship Jokes
- >
- All
Relationship Jokes
Needs
Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says, "I don' t feel like it. I just want you to hold me." The husband says " WHAT???" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and had her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife, "We 'll take all three of them". Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each. And then goes to the jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says "but you don 't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it.' The wife is jumping up and down. So excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says, " I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register. " The husband says, " no no no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff." The wife face goes blank. " No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." Her face gets really red she is about to explode and then the husband says " You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a MAN!"
- 4
- 7
- 1
Alabama Girl
A girl from Alabama asked me if I found her attractive.
I said, "You've got a face only a brother could love."
- 6
- 7
- 1
Cuckoo Clock
Just after I got married, I decided to have a night with "the boys." I told the missus that I would be home by midnight... promise! Well, the yarns were being spun and the grog was going down easy, and at around 3 AM full as a boot, I went home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock started, and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself, having the quick wittedness, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.
The next morning the missus asked me what time I got in and I told her 12 o'clock. Whew! Got away with that one!
She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her why she said, "Well, it cuckooed 3 times, said 'shit,' cuckooed another 4 times, farted, cuckooed another 3 times, cleared its throat, and cuckooed twice then giggled."
- 6
- 12
- 6
