Redneck Sawmill

Billy Bob and Cleetus landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before morning coffee Billy Bob yelled: "Cleetus! I lost my finger!" "Have you now?" says Cleetus. "And how did you do it?" "I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi... Sumbitch! There goes another one!"

Government Recipe

According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated, "Wash. Biol. Surv." until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper: "Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible."

Redneck Doctor

Q: How can you determine that a death certificate was filled by a redneck doctor?
A: He signs "His" name under "cause of death!"