You Might Be a Redneck If... Always More

You might be a redneck if...

• Taking a dip has nothing to do with water.
• There are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.
• You take a fishing pole to Sea World.
• The hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.
• You've ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.
• You've ever shot somebody over a mall parking space.
• Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.
• Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
• You think mud rasslin' should be an Olympic sport.
• The receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business. 

Virginia Girl

A young West Virginian girl wanted to go to college at UVA. But her father said "No Way! You're going to By-God West Virginia Univ." Well she got her way and she went to UVA. The first semester went by, and she wrote home that she was getting married to a man from Richmond, VA named Clarence. Her father said, "I'll be damned if my daughter is marrying a man from Richmond. You're marrying a By-God West Virginian boy." So he sent his two sons to UVA to get their sister. In a couple of days they returned. Dad said, "Where is your sister?" They replied "We were almost there Daddy, and we came up on this overpass that had this sign that read - "Clarence 13'6" - so we turned around and got the hell out of there!"

You Might Be A Redneck If - 16

You might be a redneck if...

• You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
• You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
• You can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
• You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
• You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".
• You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
• You've never paid for a haircut.
• You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
• There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
• You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just "misunderstood".