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The best jokes and joke writers!

Knock Knock - Oman

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Oman!

Oman who?

Oman, you are cute!

Pickup Lines

  1.  I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
  2. Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams. OR: I want to call your mother and thank her.
  3. Is your daddy a thief? ["No. "] Then how did he steal the sparkle of the stars and put it in your eyes? [Be ready with a snappy answer in case they say "yes."]
  4. You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.
  5. Would you be my love buffet? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?
  6. Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
  7. The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
  8. Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams all night?
  9. That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.
  10. My name's [your name]. That's so you know what to scream.
  11. My name's [your name], but you can call me "lover."
  12. Nice shoes. Wanna sleep together?
  13. Can I flirt with you?
  14. Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns.
  15. [Look at his/her shirt label. When they say, "What are you doing?":] Checking to see if you were made in heaven. OR: Checking to see if you're the right size.
  16. All those curves, and me with no brakes.
  17. If I told you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
  18. Screw me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?
  19. I like every muscle in your body, especially mine.
  20. [Grab his/her tush. ] Pardon me, is this seat taken?
  21. Is it hot in here or is it just you?
  22. Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart. [Cheese alert!]
  23. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
  24. How about you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up?
  25. Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.
  26. I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
  27. So. . . How am I doin'?
  28. How about you and I go back to my place and get out of these wet clothes?
  29. [Tap your thigh] You just think this is my leg
  30. Say, that's a nice [dress/outfit/article of clothing]. Can I talk you out of it?
  31. I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?
  32. I hope you know CPR, 'cause you take my breath away.
  33. Excuse me, is that semen in your hair?
  34. My face is leaving in fifteen minutes. Be on it.

Counter Productive Pickup Lines

  1. If you and I were squirrels, I could bust a nut in your hole.
  2. How do you like your eggs: fried, scrambled or fertilized?
  3. My love for you is like diarrhea; I just can't hold it in.
  4. If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, then could I meet you between the holidays?
  5. How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat.

Condom Purchase

At the pharmacy I asked for 50 condoms. There were two girls behind me who started laughing.

I turned around, looked them straight in the eyes and said, "Make that 52."

Pirate Pick Up Line

How 'bout jollying my roger? Yar!