A Little Old Man

There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment. One day he went shopping, his first stop was at a hardware store. He went up to the shop assistant and asked "Could I have a fucket please?" The assistant asked "Pardon sir?"."Can I have a fucket please?" Replied the man. "Oh you mean a bucket!" The shop assistant replied. The old man said "Yes, that's what I said". So the man paid for his bucket and went into the antique shop. In the antique shop he went to the cashier and asked  "Can I have a cock please?" The cashier looked very puzzled and asked  "Pardon?". The man again asked "Can I have a cock please?" The cashier replied  "Oh you mean a clock! yes certainly sir." So he paid for the clock and walked out of the shop. The next stop was to the bakers. He went to the assistant and asked "Can I have a bum please?" The assistant said  "Sorry sir what did you say?". So he repeated himself  "Can I have a bum please?". The assistant said  "Oh right, you mean a bun!". The old man said  "Yes that's what I said in the first place." So the man bought a bun and walked out of the shop. As he was walking down the street a little old lady came up to him and asked  "Excuse me sir, but do you know the time?" The man replied "Yes certainly, hold my bum and fucket while I get my cock out."

Old Couple Sex Signals

There was an old couple laying in bed. The man turns and tells the woman, "If you want to have sex, pull on my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull on my dick one hundred times."

I'm Over the Hill Poem

We're over the hill, but don't feel sad
This side of the hill ain't all that bad
So give us "five" and then a smile
To us who have been here for awhile
With by-pass pain and mended hip
And plumbing fixtures prone to drip
We all may seem a sorry lot
But we rejoice for what we've got

We have each day and what it brings
And, on our pensions, live like kings
For the press that accuses what we take
To coin a phrase, "Let them eat cake!"

We've paid our share for unused knowledge
As the kids are now all done with college
We complain to them about our health
As they worry about our dwindling wealth

And though our wardrobes may be plain
We'll suffer no more labor or pain
Now it's with cane we do our strut
And if we can't drive - we still can putt
We're mean and tough; meet all demands
Why, M&M's melt in our hands
Yes, we're still here, and it does delight us
That you join our fight against arthritis

But we ask you make a pledge today
That you'll be careful what you say
We have to spread "Over the Hill" fear
Or we'll have those young folks over here!