50 Years

A man and a woman have just had their 50th wedding anniversary. The husband turns to his wife and asks, "What do you want to do to celebrate our anniversary dear?" She replies, "Let's run upstairs and make love." He turns to her and says, "Well make up your mind, we can't do both!"

Motel 65

Ethel checked into a Motel on her 65th Birthday, she was lonely, a little depressed at her advancing age so decided to risk an adventure. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages. She looked through the phone book, found a full-page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony, a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six-pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a  dime off his well-oiled buns.
She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. I'll give him a call. "Good evening, ma'am, how may I help you?"
Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy! Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, so she rushed right in, "I hear you give a great massage. I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks.  We'll go at it all night ... tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I'm ready! Now how does that sound?"
He said, "That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."

Home Depot Warning

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.
A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart. This one Caught me totally by surprise. Over the last month, I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.
Here's how the scam works; Two nice looking, college-age girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. (It's impossible not to look). When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' but instead, ask for a ride to McDonald's. Ok, this is when it really gets scary.
You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen MAY 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, again on the 17th, 20th, 24th, and the 29th. Also JUNE 1st, 4th, 8th, twice on the 16th &17th, and very likely it will happen again this upcoming weekend.
So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of us older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant.
P.S. Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for $.99 at the Dollar Store. Also, you never get to eat at McDonald's. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe's to Home Depot to Wal-Mart.
So please, send this on to all the retired men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon).