Business Laws F

Flugg's Law: When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
Fourth Law of Applied Terror: The night before the English History mid-term, your Biology instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.
Corollary: Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor's course.
Fourth Law of Revision: It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences; if you have none, someone will make one for you.
Franklin's Rule: Blessed is the end user who expects nothing, for he/she will not be disappointed.
Freeman's Commentary on Ginsberg's theorem: Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem meaningful is based on the negation of one part of Ginsberg's Theorem. To wit: 1. Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win. 2. Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even. 3. Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game. 
Fresco's Discovery: If you knew what you were doing, you'd probably be bored.
Fudd's First Law of Opposition: Push something hard enough and it will fall over. 

Blonde Detention

Q: Why did the blonde get detention for flirting with boys in class?
A: She wanted to go down in history.

How to Look Busy as an Executive

Generally, this will not be a concern until you are promoted to an executive position. But once you've created the illusion that you serve even the slightest purpose at your place of "business," there's no telling how far you'll go. In the real working world, productivity is all a matter of appearances.
Appearance: You are furiously taking notes while conducting an important telephone marketing survey.
Reality: You are pretending to take notes while talking to your friend who has called collect from Bulgaria.
 
Appearance: You are on the phone with a client in New York and you have said, "Yes sirree! That stock is about to shoot through the roof, now's a great time to buy, I tell ya!"
Reality: You are on the phone with a friend in Guam and you have said, "Yeah, this job is terrible, and my boss is such a pushy whining... Yes sirree! That stock is about to shoot through the roof, now's a great time to buy, I tell ya!"
 
Appearance: You are at your computer writing a serious business memorandum to your department supervisior.
Reality: You are at your computer telling dead-baby jokes to your e-mail correspondent in Namibia.
 
Appearance: You are urgently plugging numbers into a complicated spreadsheet.
Reality: You are playing Tetris.
 
Appearance: You are tapping away on calculator keys, helping out the accounting department.
Reality: You are paying your electric bill.
 
Appearance: You are reading the DOS manual.
Reality: You are reading the TV guide you placed in the DOS manual.
 
Appearance: You are staring at an empty computer screen, absorbed in deep thought.
Reality: You have pressed "Escape" just in time, erasing a MacDraw portrait entitled "Supervisor with Pitchfork Wound Clinging to a Cliff"