Downsizing

Boss: (to employee) Experts say that humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing.
Knock, knock, Employee: Who's there? Boss: Not you anymore.

Salad

Boss asks secretary "Do you know what the difference is between a Caesar Salad and a blowjob?" "No", says the secretary. "Great, let's do lunch." the boss says.

Calling in Sick

Bob calls in to his job: "Hey, boss I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my legs hurt, so I'm not coming into work."  The boss says: "You know Bob, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife, and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that." Two hours later Bob calls: "Boss, I did what you said, and I feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you've got a nice house!"